My Five S's of What Men Look for in a Girl to Marry.

Last Friday night I had some thought-provoking (I then drove home- 4 hours- so it's a good thing I had something to stimulate the old cerebellum) conversations. One was with some pals about attractive qualities we want and the other convo. was with a chum of the girl variety about what to look for as well. Then I drove four hours. I came up with what I think every good guy is looking for- what attracts him to a girl and would induce him to contemplate surrendering his freedom and fortune to her and getting down to the hard work/fun of making and raising babies.

I should mention that these five S's need to all be present- but they will be in different variations according to the girl- and particular guys will be more attracted to one combination than another based upon their (and the girl's) personalities.

Here we go:

1. Saintly: Holiness. Life with virtue and prayer. God is foundation for her. This quality in a woman is essential for a man to trust a woman in marriage. It shows she can have a serious, sacrificial relationship, and that she will not put her full hope for happiness on him- a relief to any human.

2. Strong: Confidence. Self-Worth. Autonomy. Maturity. This quality is attractive because it shows that she is "a real woman" in that she can give 100% and take care of herself. She doesn't need you- and that's attractive to a well-developed guy- because that means she is able to CHOOSE you. Also, men want to marry a WOMAN not a girl- in the sense that marriage and being a parent is VERY hard work and you need a capable person to take that responsibility on.

3. Sassy: Playfulness. Humor. Adventuresome. This quality invites the pursuit of the man- something real men really want. True sassiness is only possible with the foundation of the first two qualities because authentic sassiness means that she is really testing the man and seeing if he's "worth her"- and if she is not confident in her value- then she's just faking.

4. Sweet: Warmth. Vulnerability. Receptiveness. This quality encourages the man that his pursuit is going well. This is what makes sassiness come off as fun- and not bitchy, cold, or frosty. Sweet and Sassy are close collaborators.

5. Sensual: Romantic Attraction. This quality is essential for the flowering of a spousal love- without it your "just friends." This quality depends in some part on the guy; but the girl also plays a major role in how fit she stays, how well she dresses herself, AND the rest of her personality (the other four S's). I have experienced often the phenomenon that someone's personality becomes so closely ties to their physical persona that your enjoyment of their personality leads you to enjoy their appearance- even if it isn't a look you would appreciate otherwise. This happens a lot with comedians. Many comedians aren't very attractive- but we don't even think about that because we enjoy their personality so much.

Let me know what you think of my S's- and any suggestions for how women can develop them in their own unique way, or personal stories, because I'm planning on putting them into a little Booklet with the working title of: The Marrying Kind: What Men Look For in Women.

p.s. My group of guys all were attracted by the idea of going down south and meeting "a cowgirl." I propose that the stereo-typical persona of "the cowgirl" matches up very well with the five S's.